Never Stop Talking!

Did you marry your best friend, or do you just like to say you married your best friend?

It's very popular to declare some version of “My spouse is my best friend” or “I’m so blessed I got to marry my best friend.” I fully believe that those who claim it really think they mean it. But, for so many husbands and wives who want it to be true, it’s likely to be less of a reality than they may think.

Think about it. Why would some husbands rather go golfing this Saturday than take their family to the zoo? Why would some wives schedule a brunch date this weekend with their “girlfriends” rather than play board games in their PJs with the family? How we spend our free time tells us a lot about who we most enjoy being around.

Don’t get me wrong, nurturing friendships outside of marriage is incredibly important for a variety of reasons. But deep down in our hearts, who would we rather spend our time with? If we’d rather spend it with someone other than our spouse, then is our spouse truly our best friend?

Before you pull the alarm and file for divorce, please know it’s not the end of the world if your spouse isn’t your best friend now or ever. It’s okay. For me, though, a “just okay” marriage isn’t good enough. I made a commitment for a lifetime, so I want to help make my marriage spectacular! And spectacular happens when you get to live with, raise kids with, fight with, and simply do life with your best friend.

If you would like to grow your friendship with your spouse, or if you want to improve an already strong friendship together, it begins with one simple act.

Talking.

That’s it. Start talking and never stop. Talk about everything: money, kids, lunch, music, coffee, hobbies, politics, sex, hopes, dreams, faith, shoes, sports, handbags, taxes… talk about it all. Even talk about this article you’re reading right now.

Think about the non-romantic relationships we value most in our lives. How did we build those friendships and how do we maintain them? We talk. We hang out. We grab coffee. We shop. We golf. We have brunch. The funny thing about most of these activities is that while we’re doing them, we talk. It works the same way with our spouse. Talking doesn’t cost anything. You don’t have to go anywhere. It doesn’t even take much physical exertion. It seems so simple, but it’s so rare in marriages these days. 

Unfortunately, a lot of couples fall into the trap of only conversing over what seems necessary–logistics of getting kids to-and-from, what’s for dinner, who’s taking the car to the shop. Obviously these are important conversations to have, but they’re also the kinds of conversations you have at work. In marriage, we’re not just co-workers, we’re friends. So, let’s talk like it. 

Proverbs 12:18 reminds us how powerful our words can be. Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. If our words are so powerful, why not use them to strengthen our friendship with our spouse? But, we should choose our words wisely. If we don’t, we risk hurting the friendship and the marriage. 

Whether you’re a natural communicator or not, it doesn’t matter. The more you talk, the easier it becomes. Each conversation you engage in makes the next one easier. Once you express those hidden emotions, it frees you to take the mask off more often. You’re a team, and communication is key in experiencing a marriage of friendship. If you want to know the joy of truly being married to your best friend, never stop talking.